At the end of the summer, sitting in my favorite coffee shop in Toronto’s trendy Yorkville, I suddenly found myself mesmerized by the faces of the women in front of me. They were so Perfect. Not one flaw, bump, wrinkle, – their makeup was also Perfect. Their eyelashes long enough to sweep the floor with, their lips botoxed out into space. I found myself wondering, how many hours a day does it take to look like that? And What is it all for??
Maybe to impress the Perfect Boyfriend – yes, there is one somewhere in the world, but I suddenly felt sad. Remembering some of my words from my book LoveSense about Botox freezing our faces so that we cannot communicate properly with others through our facial expressions or even pick up the emotional cues outlined in others faces by imitating their message and feeling it in our own bodies. Appearance is all it seems, and we all aspire to plastic perfection.
Then I remembered my grandmother. At 80 she was joyous, funny, rude, kind – and full of wrinkles. I loved her face – every line of it. Seems like we do not see the beauty in a face that reflects a life lived. We see signs of aging as something to be denied and avoided – almost shameful.
SO, I came back to Victoria and told my hairdresser that since my natural hair color was pure white, we would no longer color it red. When she took the towel off my head that day I screamed – who was this white-haired woman? She is who I am now, and I have earned every white hair and every wrinkle on my face. I refuse the plastic perfection creed.
I listened to a famous feminist from the UK talking and someone asked her who we should go to for wisdom in this age of crazy tsunamis of information and marketing where norms change overnight. I loved her answer. She said – “Our grandmothers”.
Our indigenous peoples honor the elders – and see the magic and history in their faces. What a lovely idea. Let us love our wrinkles. Who needs the façade of eternal youth and perfection?
Truly beautiful. For in the end we (our true nature beyond name and form) are what we seek and nothing else will fulfill us.
Dear Sue, I’m so happy to hear that you’re embracing your natural hair colour and encouraging women to accept their aging…..I stopped colouring my hair about 20 years ago (I’m now 60 and love my varied shades of gray). We need more high profile women to do this for us to fully honour who we are as we age. Best wishes, Karen
Indeed beauty is about feeling beautiful, and the feeling comes from connections. When my adult daughter makes fun of my silliness, it feels joyous, my aging body has challenges, but a sense of comfort in not feeling the need to look a particular way.
I remember my mom, in her mid-sixties, even when ill for several months, started to look at her reflection in a dark-colored glass attached to the furniture in her bedroom, and smiled with a swing in her body to say, ‘How beautiful I look here’, and singing a Bollywood song on being beautiful!
The need for plastic faces or bodies probably has a basis in fear, a sense of inadequacy, and an inability to accept and honor their idea of self. Wrinkles tell a story and feel real.
growing mine out too Sue. EFT has taught me to embrace my authentic self: good, bad and ugly it’s all me and I’m finally learning to love it and ME!
I’m currently 57, and my hair, it seems, turned completely gray overnight, even though I kept coloring it. Finally, in 2022, I took the plunge and said I’m going to stop doing this – not only did I feel like I wasn’t being my authentic self, but it was tearing up my hair having to keep up with the roots. Not only do I feel now that I don’t have to prove myself or try hard to impress anyone, I accept me, and anyone who doesn’t, I don’t really care. Also, once I quit coloring my hair, I found out the silver color it’s become it’s much prettier than any color I could have added to it.
Thanks for sharing your expertise.
Sue, thank you for your amazing work and dedication to understanding Love in the modern age!
If I may, I will put in my 2 penny’s of 50 plus years of thought in from a dudes perspective……
A woman’s beauty bubbles up from her soul as she smiles and laughs thru the winked, stretched and wind worn shell she resides in. Nothing is more beautiful than the smart, confident, and assertive mind of a lady who owns herself fully and embraces herself to the core. Her eyes shine forth with the radiance of a still young soul ready to take on the world. Grey hair showing forth her wisdom with stretchmarks proving her strength. Nothing is more beautiful than a Lady with all her OEM parts, no mods!